A Thirty Thoughts Posting...Editorial note - this posting was originally written 2 years ago, around the time of my high school's 10 year reunion. The article remained unfinished until picking it up several days ago and realizing that there was more content to add in hindsight.
8. Friendships change and evolve just like the people that you have them with.
They don't make friends like they used to...
A decade ago, all my friends were just like me. Just... Like... Me... Not surprising considering the high school I went to was pretty PB&J; totally plain, ordinary and very much lacking any kind of true diversity. Everyone that I spent time with had similar family backgrounds, lived with a mile or so of my own home and had the same interests as I did as far the extra-curriculars went. These were my starter friendships but no less important than any others that I've cultivated along the way. They taught me how to care for someone outside of my self and prepare me for the deeper relationships to follow in time. They mean quite a bit to me to this day although I lost track with many of them shortly after graduating.
Now that we're a mobile society and social networking has been hardwired into our daily life, it became easier than ever to "reach out and touch somebody" and reconnect after all these years. I've found and been found by a slew of classmates in the last year or two. I've wondered what happened after 1999 and figured out that the answer is, a lot. We are all quite different now. Some of us have families and careers, some are still figuring out just who it is that they want to be. But, it's pretty apparent that as a whole, we are far from our "white bread" beginnings.
With that being said, it's no wonder that after these Facebook reunions we begin to realize that we aren't quite as close as we once were because we're not exactly the same people we were all those years ago. And make no mistake, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm very proud to see some of the accomplishments of my fellow alums. There are doctors, lawyers, teachers and musicians who are all masters in their fields. However, it's those who seem genuinely content that I am honestly most happy for. It's been a rough 10 or so years and we've gone from college kids to getting married (a few divorces as well, I might add - well, I guess I did) to raising kids. That's a hefty amount of adjustments in a fairly short amount of time. We've changed and so have our relationships with one another.
The Facebook thing makes me chuckle though. Friends seem to fall into these very specific categories now:
The True Friends - no matter how much time or space separates us, we can pick up right where we left off. Perhaps because there's still such a strong connection after all this time. These friends are the ones from years back and the ones that I've known for a considerably less amount of time. When it comes down to it, it makes no difference how long I've known them... I've just always known them to be there in the best and worst of times.
The "Kinda-Sorta" Friends - I keep these friends around because they're interesting. They're sort of my trophy-Facebook friends that I can voyeuristicly peek into their lives because, honestly, they're just cooler than I am. They keep me up on what's trending and things I find interesting, yet have no interest in actually doing (shout out to my Yoga peeps!) These friends tell funny stories, even though I usually have no clue as to who they're talking about or what hip references they're making. If I were to reach out to them, I probably wouldn't count on a response but their entertainment value is worth the sting of rejections... or in most Facebook cases, silence.
The "What Was I Thinking" Friends - These are those people that every time I see their posts, I think to myself "I really need to delete them." They are the antithesis of the "Kinda-Sorta" set. They don't bring anything to the table as far as cool and interesting are concerned and they still wouldn't be there for me if I were to actually need them. They just kind of suck.
I suppose you could compartmentalize them even more, but what's the use? My finding is that we've all changed. Some of us still have what it takes to be the same caring, empathetic friends we once were. Some of us are better off as acquaintances. We've all gone spinning off into a million directions but it's pretty cool to see what we can take from each other's journeys along the way. Like I said before, friendships change and evolve just like the people that you have them with. Live and let live and let's hope we still keep up with each other in the coming years. That is, if you at least have something cool and/or interesting to contribute.
Laugh, because that's what it's really all about!
With that being said, it's no wonder that after these Facebook reunions we begin to realize that we aren't quite as close as we once were because we're not exactly the same people we were all those years ago. And make no mistake, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm very proud to see some of the accomplishments of my fellow alums. There are doctors, lawyers, teachers and musicians who are all masters in their fields. However, it's those who seem genuinely content that I am honestly most happy for. It's been a rough 10 or so years and we've gone from college kids to getting married (a few divorces as well, I might add - well, I guess I did) to raising kids. That's a hefty amount of adjustments in a fairly short amount of time. We've changed and so have our relationships with one another.
The Facebook thing makes me chuckle though. Friends seem to fall into these very specific categories now:
The True Friends - no matter how much time or space separates us, we can pick up right where we left off. Perhaps because there's still such a strong connection after all this time. These friends are the ones from years back and the ones that I've known for a considerably less amount of time. When it comes down to it, it makes no difference how long I've known them... I've just always known them to be there in the best and worst of times.
The "Kinda-Sorta" Friends - I keep these friends around because they're interesting. They're sort of my trophy-Facebook friends that I can voyeuristicly peek into their lives because, honestly, they're just cooler than I am. They keep me up on what's trending and things I find interesting, yet have no interest in actually doing (shout out to my Yoga peeps!) These friends tell funny stories, even though I usually have no clue as to who they're talking about or what hip references they're making. If I were to reach out to them, I probably wouldn't count on a response but their entertainment value is worth the sting of rejections... or in most Facebook cases, silence.
The "What Was I Thinking" Friends - These are those people that every time I see their posts, I think to myself "I really need to delete them." They are the antithesis of the "Kinda-Sorta" set. They don't bring anything to the table as far as cool and interesting are concerned and they still wouldn't be there for me if I were to actually need them. They just kind of suck.
I suppose you could compartmentalize them even more, but what's the use? My finding is that we've all changed. Some of us still have what it takes to be the same caring, empathetic friends we once were. Some of us are better off as acquaintances. We've all gone spinning off into a million directions but it's pretty cool to see what we can take from each other's journeys along the way. Like I said before, friendships change and evolve just like the people that you have them with. Live and let live and let's hope we still keep up with each other in the coming years. That is, if you at least have something cool and/or interesting to contribute.
Laugh, because that's what it's really all about!
So, I guess I am one of the ones you refer to that "found" you on Facebook. I enjoyed reading a few of your blog posts and this one definately strikes chord with me. After high school, I threw myself whole-heartedly into blazing a trail into my existence in this world. Apart from my family, I don't really keep up with any from high school and only a few from college. I have found, however, that as time continues to pass, relationships are broken, new life enters, old life exists, and the tick tock of time echoes on, I am drawn to connections of the soul such as this. People, whom I may not set a time to meet or call on the phone, that somehow share human experiences and can articulate them and share them in an open space, like your blog. Thank you for writing and here's to more connection through cliche social networking. Your creative energy is frefreshing and fun!
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah!
ReplyDeleteIt is so good to hear from you! Your words were touching and very true. However, I would consider you a very true friend. I always enjoyed your bright spirit when we were young and you are one of those people whom I have always kept in kind regard and close to my heart. There have been many times that I have thought of you, actually. It just wasn't until now that I've been able to tell you. So, thanks again to social networking for bringing old friends together again. Let me know what you've been up to. I see you have a beautiful baby boy, too! Aren't they the best!?
Much love,
Erin