Opinion-Schminion

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Parenting Fact #248 - When you have a kid, everyone has an opinion. It seems like I lived my first 30 years with little to no public interjection whatsoever. I can't recall too many instances where complete strangers ever made a point to remind me of my flaws, weaknesses and/or any other somewhat social infringement that I may have made.


I've never been questioned on my ability to care for myself nor has anyone ever impugned my intelligence or common sense. Wait, I retract that statement... I'm sure there have been some instances of belittlement but for the most part I must have an innate ability to tune people out when it comes to editorial comments regarding myself. Not a bad skill to have in some circumstances.


Then, you become a parent and the friendly, albeit unsolicited, advice begins to roll in like a plague of locust. Well, maybe not locust... but a plague of some epic proportions just the same. This I am sure of.


It seems as though the very moment you brandish your newborn, you've seemingly opened Pandora's Box of Public Parenting. Scrutiny is abundant. Suddenly, everybody has something to say. And when I mean that they have something to say, I mean get your tissues out and refill your Xanax because all censoring of any sorts is out the window. There is no sugar coating. People just start saying exactly what they're thinking. And, they're really owning it!


My first experience was over socks. Yes, socks. While both my mother and mother-in-law may believe that this originated with them, it actually occurred during our first real outing to Target when my son was 8 days old. He was securely fastened in his carrier and snuggled under a temperature appropriate blanket. At some point during our outing, his abnormally long foot slipped from underneath its cover. And just like that, I exposed my newbie parenting flaws to the world. A lady approached me and asked if his sock had fallen off. I replied that he wasn't wearing socks and was quickly informed that he should be wearing socks!!! For goodness sakes, he could catch pneumonia and that would surely set off a series of events that would forever cripple him both physically and emotionally. That was it - because of his lack of socks he was now destine to never spacewalk, become President of the United States or cure a particularly heinous disease - one having to do with feet, I'm sure. 


Now, here's my theory about newborns and socks...


They don't really need them. They fall off within minutes of putting them on their tiny, itty bitty feet and they're a booger to keep up with in the wash.


Now, here's my theory on opinions...


Everyone has one. 


Yup, that's pretty much it on that one. After really thinking about it, I've figured two things out when it comes to people's opinions...


1. People's opinions often (and easily) get the better of them. There's a lot of energetic passion behind how people feel about certain things...like socks, for instance. People just have an impulsive need to share.


2. Most (and I emphasize MOST) opinions come from a good place, regardless of how the message was delivered. 


So the next time you're faced with an opinionated know-it-all, simply smile and say "I did not know that, thank you so very much sharing that information with me." They walk away feeling as though they've made an effort to make the world more of "their kind of place" and you'll probably just get a good laugh. Everybody wins.

A "Ward" Free Lifestyle

Note to self - cool your heels a bit after encountering something that you loathe so much that you have an actual physical reaction to.

The Internet is a crazy little piece of work. On the same note, it can also make you crazy. I just typed in a Google search for general parenting articles and came across quite the literary gem that the Google Gods obviously misplaced. At first, the search returned a website named thechildfreelife.com. Nope, that's not what I was looking for...continue on. I clicked on the next return where I stumbled across one of the most asinine articles that I've ever read.

The article is, in my opinion, insulting before the actual content even begins. I could write a manifesto on the title alone but I'll try to move straight to the irritating slights that the "author" manages to douse on a (what I see to be) very kid-friendly society. Carolyn Ray wrote a piece (of garbage, I might add) called "The Social Stigma of Leading a Ward-Free Life" I mean seriously, did she just refer to a child...a human being as a "ward?"  Strike one, lady.

She then eludes to a number of observations. Mind you, she never even actually states very many of her own reasons for not wanting kids but rather references  instances where parents are in the wrong for wanting and having them in the first place (over-population, a selfish need to have someone love them...yada, yada, yada.) I try my best to roll with a live-and-let-live lifestyle. However, this lady is so off her rocker it's painstaking for me to advocate tolerance for profound stupidity. Let me acquaint you with a couple of her theories:

• "People have kids to fulfill something inside of themselves that's missing - primarily insecurity or a lack of happiness."

• "Judging by the way many parents behave toward children, and by the things they complain about, it seems pretty clear that most people don't like children very much at all."

Let me also explain the semantics of "childless" vs. "childfree" vs. "wardfree" - 

Childless - a person who by circumstance (infertility, timing, financial situations, etc.) does not have a child. Most people fall into this category as they want children but have just yet to have them. I myself was childless for most of my life but most certainly wanted children.

Childfree - a person who chooses  not to have children for personal reasons.

Wardfree - a stupid and offensive way to state that you are proud to be childfree by insulting mainstream society. Let's get on the same page lady, you are the minority, not parents or those that are simply childless.

Now I know that I've ranted pretty hard and busted this chicks chops, but for good reason. As always, my posts try to find joy in very unexpected places. Therefore, what I choose to take away from this lady's waste of Cyberspace is that FACT that she is the minority and not the majority. In my life, majority rules so it's us parents and yet-to-be parents that are the winners here. We're winners because we're selfless and not selfish as she implies. Take stock that we as parents raise our kids for the greater good of our society - not to attribute to its demise. Believe me, we have plenty of other issues that are working to destroy our society.

Kids are our future... If we were to stop having them, civilization would cease to exist. Ummm, duh! This seems to be a no-brainer. So let's raise our kiddos up right and teach them to contribute to the well being of society in their own special, unique, interesting and beautiful ways!

I am a blessed and truly lucky woman because I find joy every time I have the privilege of looking into any child's eyes - not just my own. 

Mommy needs a what???

I fully admit that I have learned a LOT since becoming a full-time mommy. There was no book to prepare me for life after baby. No one calls from the hospital to ask how things are going - they really do let you just walk out of the place with no questions asked whatsoever. I still maintain there should have been some type of quiz involved prior to our seemingly rushed but otherwise uneventful departure. The first few weeks home are a baptism-by-fire kind of situation. You're in survival mode and you do what you have to do in order to get by. "Keep on keepin' on" as I say. You learn quickly and what you still don't know, you Google!


Even 8 months out, I am still more than eager to find answers to the unknowns by using my crazy-mad Internet search skills for the things I'm still unfamiliar with. There are the very philosophical things like "How am I ever going to teach this child everything he needs to know to become a decent and caring person?" You know... the deep stuff. Alternatively, there are the very practical everyday questions like "Should I use OxyClean or Dreft to get this particular kind of poop out of these (meaning the baby's, not mine) pants?" And when it comes right down to it, the two questions are pretty much tied for my brain-space most of the time. This triggered some sort of inner alarm and I felt the need to Google something brilliant.


After trying to cut and paste my thoughts together long enough to make a coherent query, the light bulb above my head went off and I thought of the perfect search phrase: "Coping skill for stay at home mothers." Peace settled within me as my inquisitive thought/question was thrown out into Cyberland. Within the milliseconds Google takes to return my search, my browser was full of answers to my predicament. I quickly clicked on the first result and was astonished by the site's answer for mothers in a rut...


Their response was: Drink up!


I guess if you anaesthetise any situation enough, you're bound to get the answer, or in this case peace, that you're looking for. Really people? Yes, yes they did! There is in fact a site that advocates mommies getting back their sanity by throwing back the booze. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for a good time and I love my cocktails  - when the time is right. I'm no hater when it comes to a good time. But, I think I'm going to have to stick with separating parenting from partying - at least 'til he's 21. (Just kidding!)


Cheers...maybe???